Sandra was the lady
every man would give anything just to be with her. From a distance I could feel
the envious stares of men and some ladies as we both walked side by side into
the exquisite restaurant of the “Protea
Hotel”. I could see why this venue was her favourite. It was beautiful to say
the least.
Sandra looked very
gorgeous in her strapless lipstick-red Atelier Versace dinner gown that
perfectly graced her flawless tempting curves. Her succulent seductive lips
came alive in fuchsia red, almost begging to be kissed. She posses all the
charm, the class and warmth. She was indeed every man’s fantasy. Sitting side
by side, lust in each other’s gaze and not willing to be found. We had not even
decided if we would still have the buffet.
Shockily, we had met in
the Charity Foundation event few months ago. I was the head of a committee of
which she was a member; a truly faithful member. Resilient, willing to take
correction without feeling distressed, always on time, creative and prayerful.
The work at hand was overwhelming and often exhausting, but together we made a
great team and did a great job. We continued to communicate through phone
calls, chat and sometimes, text messages every now and then. There was no
strings attached, or so we thought. In no time, I found my thoughts
effortlessly thinking about her and our acquaintance blossomed slowly yet powerfully.
She confided in me about lots of personal issues and checked on me constantly,
asking me if I had eaten, or sometimes, just to find out how I was doing. I
liked that and so I returned the gesture. Before long, she dependent on me just
about anything and I was more than happy to be of help to her. Not seeing or
hearing from Sandra in a whole day seems suicidal.
Greetings, You are
welcome. May I take your orders sir? A profound male voice with a slight
Moroccan ascent intermittent my line of thoughts. He was a tall, slim and dark
complexion man, probably in his early thirties. His pink lips parted into a
wide smile revealing a white beautiful set of teeth, which matched his equally
spotless all white Changsha attire. I allowed Sandra place orders. “Your wife
has made an excellent choice sir,” and then he vanished just quickly as he had
appeared.
“Your wife” he had
said. Those words rang insistently in my head. Sandra was all my wife wasn’t,
or so it seemed. My wife and I argued over just about anything and everything.
She never seems to understand. Her indignant and rebellious attitude made home
a living hell. Most awful though, was her affair with her work and smart
phones. I factually had to beg for attention, and with little success I must
say. Tania and I had been married for four years, one month and three weeks
with nothing to show for it, not even children. As a result, our sex life had
become laborious, droning and gradually imaginary. Marriage had quickly evolved
into being draining and suffocating; Sandra, at least was breath of fresh air.
I still love Tania– I think, but with her love and hate, anger and happiness all
seems to be the same.
Sandra reminded me of
who I was before I met Tania and though I never said it, I had fallen in-love
with her. We were not physically or sexually involved, but there was definitely
a soul-tie. Tania had become my roommates and sometimes, sexual partner, but
Sandra, a wife of some sort. I had thought my marriage would be different,
considering we were both Christians, but even that made things a bit complex.
Tania had no idea about Sandra, but she could sense my love for her was quickly
waning and to be fair to her, she did all she could to revamp our once
vivacious marriage, but to no avail. I had drifted so far away. Honestly, it
hurts to see her that way; it hurts to see her becoming a shadow of herself. It
hurts to see what we have become!!!!!
what I have become!!!!!!!!!
Accordingly to
Wikipedia, an emotional affairs is an affair that excludes physical intimacy,
but includes emotional intimacy. It is said that emotional affairs do more
damage to relationship and marriages than casual sexual encounters and are
often begun when a spouse needs are not adequately met. Most emotional affairs
start out as just mere friendship, but grow to be intimate over time. Research
by Glass & Wright found out that men’s extramarital relationships are more
sexual and women’s more emotional, nevertheless, both sexes are prone to having
emotional affairs, as we read from our fictional character.
The signs of emotional
affairs can be subtle yet unmistakable. Here are some of the most obvious signs
listed by Dr Rich Nicastro and Emotional Affairs Journey Blog.
(1)
Those involved in emotional affairs are
mostly in denial of it, probably because there is no sexual intimacy. The
denial keeps them guilt free, and they feel they don’t have to give it up. When
confronted, they become very defensive and use the infamous words “we are just
friends.”
(2)
You start to say things to this person
that you wouldn’t say to your spouse. This is probably the most important
litmus test to determine if the relationship is starting to cross the emotional
affairs boundary line.
(3)
You go out of your way to repeatedly run
into this person. We all look forward to seeing people we enjoy – a particular
friend or interesting colleague, for instance. If you are honest with yourself,
however, you will know the difference between a truly coincidental meeting and
a coincidence that occurs because you stood around the office coffee machine
for two hours (and you don”t even drink coffe)
(4)
Is this person becoming the go to person
whenever something important occurs? While it is human nature to share the
events of your life with the people most important to you, once you have
entered the gateway of an emotional affair, your spouse becomes less central in
your emotional world as you share life’s celebrations and struggles with this
other person.
(5)
You begin confiding more and more in
this person. When you confide in someone, you create a more intimate
relationship by sharing information about yourself that isn’t shared with just
anyone. When you tale someone in your confidence, you have elevated the
relationship to special status.
(6)
Before you know it, you can’t help
comparing the new person to your spouse- and it should be no surprise that your
spouse fails to make the grade. In your mind’s eye(and in the illusion of
perfect love), all the differences that stand out for you indicate that this
new person will be a superior mate and give you the happiness you long for.
(7)
You begin to have discussions that
deliberately move this person into the role of caregiver – this occurs when you
start to share your deepest struggles, life’s ambitions and intimate longings.
These conversations create a powerful no-one-else- understands- me-like-you-do
bond.
(8)
You begin lying to your spouse. When
your partner asks about your day, you omit any reference to this person (and if
your partner knows this person, you go out of your way to minimize his/her
significance). This is a clear indication that you are stepping outside the
commitment boundaries of your marriage/relationship.
(9)
You are withdrawn from your spouse as
the amount of time you spend together dwindles significantly.
(10)
You are not interested in being imtimate
with your spouse, either emotionally or sexually.
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